The Comeback Kid Meets Cat in the Hat

Last week, two news events bubbled to the top of the pop culture caldron. Item one: City fathers of Springfield, Mass., birthplace of children’s author Theodor (“Dr. Seuss”) Geisel, announced plans for an upcoming Seuss Heritage Park and National Memorial, complete with giant bronze statues of, among others, Yertle the Turtle and the Cat in the Hat.

Item two: Bill Clinton sold his memoirs for an estimated $10 million to $12 million.

At first blush, the stories appear to be unrelated--one a human interest item about a beloved writer, the other a titillating flash from the publishing industry. But could there be a subtler connection?

Given the limitless marketability of the Seuss canon--which in recent years has been adapted to a Broadway musical and blockbuster movie--combined with the former president’s knack for tapping into what sells with the American public, might we one day see these passages in a presidential memoir? On Newt Gingrich:

The ‘Grich hated Democrats, hated our fashion

Our tax and our PACs and our hellbent compassion

Then one winter morning he threw a conniption

“My ‘Contract,’ ” he said, “is the perfect prescription!”

So what made the speaker so vicious to all?

His gavel, perhaps, was two sizes too small

On Monica Lewinsky:

I did not see her in that dress

I did not start this tawdry mess

I did not own a cheap cigar

(I do not like this Kenneth Starr)

I asked myself, “Am I a sham?”

Myself responded, “Damn, I am.”

On his grand jury testimony:

Of course it depends what the meaning of “is” is,

“whoosits” did “whatsits” to hers’s and his’s

I meant what I said, and I said what I meant:

Executive privilege 100%!

On the Cabinet:

My team was America, red, white and bluish

A black, a Latino (and one who was Jewish!)

A pack led by Babbitt and Rubin and Reno

(the only thing missing was Sammy and Dino)

I also had Reich and Shalala on call

For a wonk is a wonk, sir, no matter how small

On the media:

They came without warning, so rabid, so busy

They came with such gusto that Dee Dee was dizzy

With Sam and with Cokie, with Russert and Hume--

Who knew I’d run out of my wiggling room?

On his future:

Oh, the places I’ll go, I can out-trek the pope

From Harlem to Hollywood, Haifa to Hope

I’ll play global gadfly, I’ll shmooze and I’ll meddle,

I’ve visions of peace (and a memoir to peddle)