CHRIS DUFRESNE’S TOP 25

1. UCLA (10-0) Potato salad or chips? McNown can’t decide what to bring to Sunday’s BCS pairings barbecue.

2. Tennessee (11-0) School wants Vanderbilt fined $10,000 for being so lousy.

3. Florida State (11-1) Bobby to Tommy: “Before leaving New Orleans, son, could you put a voodoo hex on the three schools ranked ahead of mine?”

4. Kansas State (11-0) School hires grandson of Wernher Von Braun to help with final BCS calculations.

5. Arizona (11-1) Realizing error, officials scrap plans to honor former Wildcats who played in Rose Bowl.

6. Ohio State (10-1) Sure, Cooper beat Michigan, but can he get us to a $12-million BCS game?

7. Florida (9-2) At the rate he’s losing assistants, Spurrier may have to coach bowl game himself.

8. Texas A&M; (10-2) FYI: Dat Nguyen just tracked down Ricky Williams in the open field and tackled him.

9. Wisconsin (10-1) Pick your poison, Badgers: UCLA or Arizona?

10. Tulane (11-0) Bowden should have his office cleaned out by the time you read this.

11. Arkansas (9-2) Some in state blame two close losses on vast right single-wing conspiracy.

12. Georgia Tech (9-2) O’Leary working on new contract to stay at school. Reaction: O’boy.

13. Nebraska (9-3) Nine wins. Whoop-dee-do. Osborne used to have nine wins by Halloween.

14. Air Force (10-1) It could be flaps-down for Falcons if QB Morgan can’t play in WAC title game.

15. Notre Dame (9-2) ASSOCIATED PRESS NEWS FLASH: NOTRE DAME QUARTERBACK COMPLETES PASS IN PRACTICE . . . MORE TO COME.

16. Virginia (9-2) Rankman never too old to learn that Virginia and West Virginia are in different states.

17. Georgia (8-3) School sends Georgia Tech a landscaping bill for messing up the hedges.

18. Syracuse (8-3) Rankman still thinks figuring out BCS rankings easier than figuring out Syracuse.

19. Texas (8-3) At long last, another media guide bookend to go with Earl Campbell’s Heisman.

20. Michigan (9-3) Left school out of last week’s poll just to get a rise out of Dan Dierdorf.

21. Oregon (8-3). Oregon over USC in Holiday Bowl? Must have been the Ducks’ rich football tradition.

22. Penn State (8-3) Would be 8-0 if Ohio State, Michigan and Wisconsin were not in Big Ten.

23. Missouri (7-4). Have.com a good.com time.com in the Insight.com Bowl.

24. Mississippi State (8-3) Rankman doesn’t give this team a Bulldog’s chance against Tennessee

25. USC (8-4) Robinson calls Trojan offices; says he left behind some car keys and a couple of All-Americans.