No Fooling! Charlotte’s the Final Stop

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Frankly, Charlotte:

--I don’t know how college basketball will go over, this being more of a pro football town.

--Practically everybody is picking Arizona to win the national championship. (Note today’s date.)

--Arkansas, Arizona, Duke and Florida? Ouch, this four isn’t exactly fab, is it?

--Saturday’s predictions: Big Pigs over Untamed Felines, Off-Color Followers of Satan over Swamp Creatures.

--Don’t worry, CBS will break into Final Four coverage whenever necessary with up-to-the-minute news about Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding.

--The amazing thing isn’t that Glenn Robinson would want to go back to school. The amazing thing is that he would want to go back to Purdue.

--Yinka Dare from George Washington University is turning pro. I predict he will become a big star before the Yinka’s dry on his contract.

--Did anybody send a limo to pick up Duke Coach Shushevski?

--There are more pictures of Michael Jordan at the airport here than there are of Orville and Wilbur Wright.

--Sad thing is, some kid somewhere is asking somebody else: “Orville and Wilbur Wright--who do they play for?”

--There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that the Arizona Wildcats are about to change their name to the Tucson Wildcats.

--My Final Five continues to include Arkansas, Arizona, Duke, Florida and Indiana. If you don’t like it, you can hang Bob Knight upside-down and kiss his Adidas.

--Gambling is the worst problem in college basketball, according to USA Today handicapper Danny Sheridan.

--In Las Vegas, the Florida Gators are the heavy favorites to be the only ones who can name five Florida players.

--I can never remember, did Lon Kruger play the werewolf or the killer from Elm Street?

--A Florida-Arizona final could settle this Grapefruit-Cactus argument, once and for all.

--I wouldn’t want to say Arizona’s Reggie Geary talks a lot, but I’m betting before this weekend is up, Dick Vitale yells at him, “Would you please shut up?”

--Lute Olson could lose by a point and blame the media.

--Arkansas star Corliss Williamson was one of the top 10 vote-getters for the Classic Games John R. Wooden All-American team. I personally believe that if you threw one basketball into a room with all 10 vote-getters, Corliss Williamson would come out with it.

--Do you know how Williamson shaves his head? With a Corliss razor.

--Do you know how Coach Nolan Richardson recruited Williamson? On a Corliss telephone.

--The real surprise here in Charlotte is that any of these four teams could beat the Hornets.

--Only good thing about Purdue’s Robinson being gone from the tournament is: No more “Big Dog” jokes. You know what I mean. No “Big Dog Beats Hogs.” No “Big Dog Chases Wildcats.” No “Gators Snap at Big Dog.” No “Big Dog Shaved With Corliss Razor.” You know. Bad jokes.

--Speaking of big dogs, Mike Krzyzewski is such a good coach, he could probably take Marmaduke to the Final Four.

--Just think, only three more NBA lottery picks in their lineup and the California Bears might have won their regional.

--I am now pretty sure that the only reason UCLA didn’t advance is because its scouting report on Tulsa was delivered by mistake to Cheryl Miller.

--Dallas Cowboy owner Jerry Jones would have replaced John Wooden as UCLA coach after two championships.

--Dear Coach Wooden: I was only kidding about Purdue.